Dr. Patricia Schmidt

Buckle up because I have some unsolicited life advice for you.

I just turned 42.

It’s been a wild ride:

I’ve been through trauma, mental health struggles, & a move from Europe to South America with 2 kids. I became a mom 16 & 8 years ago, have been married for 16 years, earned a psychology degree & a doctorate, etc., etc., etc.

To celebrate my 42 years of life, here’s my compilation of 42 life lessons I want to share with you (in no particular order):

1. Life is short. Don’t postpone what’s important to you.

The “I’ll have time when…” is an illusion. You won’t. There’s always an excuse for why you can’t do something now. So better do it now. Time goes by so fast. It keeps running no matter what you do.

2. Solo travel teaches you more than university.

And this is coming from someone with a psychology degree and a doctorate! Yes, knowledge is great, but getting along on your own in a foreign country is a cheat code for personal growth. You learn so much, and you learn things that the university cannot teach you. Especially if you’re young, have nothing to lose, and have no major responsibilities yet: Go explore what’s out there. You won’t regret it. Travel challenges your independence, adaptability, and resilience in ways a classroom never can.

3. Some people, even close friends, will only be part of your journey.

That was a painful realization for me. I’ve lost contact with people who were vital to me at different stages of my life. But these relationships can end, too, even if they feel like they’ll last forever. Don’t chase these people; be grateful for your beautiful shared memories.

4. Most employers don’t care about your well-being, only what you can do for them.

Doing a good job and working only the assigned hours is enough. I used to sacrifice too much for my job and believe me — it’s not worth it. No job or business will ever love you back, so know your priorities. You’re just a tool for your employer and you’re replaceable for them. But you’re irreplaceable at home.

5. Invest in your retirement NOW.

Yes, NOW. No matter how old you are. The earlier, the better. This point is also an ouchy reminder for myself because I started investing in funds 10 years ago for the same reason, but I need to up my game.

6. Don’t overcommit. Saying yes to someone or something is often saying no to yourself.

I know it’s hard, and I’m one of those people-pleasers who can’t say no. I committed to too many things in the past, so now I ask for time to think. Nobody will say no to that. So, if you struggle with saying no, ask for time to think. This gives you time to reflect and temporal distance, making it easier to say no (which is the better response in most cases).

7. Don’t care too much about others’ opinions — not everybody has the best intentions.

Other people tend to give a lot of unsolicited advice: “Do more of this!”, “ Do less of that!”, “You should do…!”. Of course, it helps to listen to other people’s opinions — especially if you know and trust them. But don’t take every advice others give you. Be selective. You never know the intentions behind these recommendations. Or sometimes others may have the best intentions, but they don’t know what they’re talking about. That being said, do with this list what you want 😉

8. Salt is not bad. It’s an asset.

I grew up in a context of salt-phobia. But the scientific evidence suggests that salt isn’t bad. Moreover, sodium is a key component for the body to function properly. Salt reduction is recommended for certain health conditions (and the reduction is justified in these cases!), but there is no reason to reduce salt intake if you’re healthy.

9. Your phone ruins your focus.

Yes, smartphones are useful tools. I was late to the game and started owning one in 2022, and I wouldn’t wanna miss it. But: These things can turn into time-suckers and damage your (mental)health if used excessively. Studies show that only having a phone in sight reduces your ability to focus. Establish usage rules for yourself (e.g., certain times & schedules where you allow yourself to use the phone, no phone in bed etc.). Turn off your notifications and keep your phone out of sight when you need to focus.

10. Don’t regret past decisions or actions.

Ruminating about them won’t help because you can’t change them anymore. Thinking about “what could have happened if…” will only make you miserable. Use past experiences as learning opportunities for your present and future, but move on.

11. Find your deep work hours & use them.

Humans are not machines. Productivity isn’t linear. You’re more productive during certain times of the day compared to others. For most people, the peak productivity times are early mornings (within the first few hours of waking) and then again late afternoons. However, everybody is different. Find the hours when you’re most focused and productive. Protect them!

12. Don’t check social media first thing in the morning.

It sets you up for a bad, distracted day. Yes, your brain craves immediate rewards and quick entertainment. But it will kill your focus for the day.

13. Drink 2 glasses of water every morning.

Your body is dehydrated in the morning because while you sleep, you have zero fluid intake but lose fluids. Drink two glasses of water in the morning to rehydrate. Adding a bit of high-quality salt (e.g., Himalayan) can also replenish minerals.

14. Environmental control is the most effective tool for eliminating bad habits.

It means you control your environment and establish a context where indulging in bad habits is impossible or difficult. Willpower isn’t enough, and sometimes it’s very low (e.g., when you’re stressed), so you fall back into unwanted habits. Controlling your environment is more effective. For example, don’t keep candy at home if you tend to indulge in candy.

15. Use breaks for walks, not scrolling.

If your work involves a lot of thinking and focus, your brain won’t catch a break if you scroll through social media. You better go for a walk. It clears your mind, reduces stress, and helps you get steps in.

16. Leverage the Spotlight Effect: people are more focused on themselves than you.

This effect is a well-known psychological phenomenon. Many people feel that others constantly observe them as if they were always in the spotlight of others. But it’s an illusion because others notice less about you than you think. People are self-focused. Once you realize this, life gets easier. At least it worked for me.

17. Listen actively.

If you remember people’s names or any specific details about them, they’ll be impressed and trust you. It’s a game-changer because most people don’t listen to others or forget the details. You can stand out from the rest if you’re different.

18. Spend time with people who make you feel good & move forward.

Whatever it is: your health, your development, your success — it’s not individual. The people around you influence who you are and who you become. Surrounding yourself with the right people is a major life hack. So: surround yourself with people who make you move forward. Spend less time with energy suckers.

19. Learn goal setting to achieve what you want.

Many people suck at goal-setting, and even more people suck at achieving their goals. Leverage psychology wisdom to become a more effective goal-setter (and achiever!!!). Learn techniques such as the SMART method. Follow my content as well!

20. Audit your subscriptions at least 1/year.

Subscriptions are a money-sucker because you subscribe to them once and then forget about them. But the payments continue, and they can add up to enormous amounts. So, do regular audits of your subscriptions. Cancel those that don’t serve you.

21. You’ll never regret investing in yourself.

If an investment makes you feel better, healthier, or wiser, you should go for it. Investing in yourself has the best ROI.

22. Write down 3–5 gratitudes daily, ideally first thing in the morning.

We forget to be grateful for what we have. Reflecting on your gratitudes every day improves mental health and well-being. It helps you see life through a more positive lens.

23. Make a brain dump before going to sleep.

Any to-dos cluttering your mind right when you’re trying to wind down? Anything you need to check the next day? Write it down. Your mind will be calmer because you know it will be there when you wake up, so you can let it go for the night and sleep better.

24. If a task takes up to 2 minutes, do it immediately. Otherwise, schedule it.

This is a major time-management hack. Small tasks that take up to 120 seconds to complete will only make your to-do list longer (plus: the time you need to put them on your to-do list is around the same amount of time you need to complete them). So better tackle them right away.

25. Have more than one income stream.

Even if your job seems secure, something can always happen. Relying on a single income stream is risky. Having at least 2 will save you when an income stream stops working. And if this worst-case scenario never happens, you have a cushion of extra income. You can’t lose!

26. Nature is your best friend.

Nature is perfect. You weren’t made to spend the whole day indoors or in front of screens. Spending time daily in natural environments is key for (mental) health. Time in nature reduces stress, improves mood, and restores focus.

27. Don’t force yourself to stay glued to the screen when mentally stuck or tired.

It’s extremely unlikely that your brain will come up with a solution or insight while you’re in a “plugged” state. Instead, the solution you’re looking for will fall into place when you unplug, e.g., during a walk or after waking up in the morning.

28. Doing great work isn’t enough. You have to talk about it and make people aware of it.

Unfortunately for many people (e.g., introverts like me!), your amazing work often goes unnoticed, and the recognition goes to those who may not be as good as you but who make noise about what they do. So, you must step out of your comfort zone and make others aware of your great work. Don’t expect them to notice it on their own.

29. Don’t sacrifice sleep to have more time for other things.

I used to make this mistake a lot, especially when I was a student at the university. I would load up on coffee and pull all-nighters to study for my exams. But this tactic is super inefficient. Your brain needs sleep because it’s when memories stabilize. And long study sessions are inefficient because we learn much better with shorter, distributed sessions. So don’t fall into the trap of sleeping less to get more done.

30. What you eat and drink has an immense impact on your mental health.

I’m a recovered sugar addict. During most of my childhood and adolescence, I was a bullying victim due to being overweight. So, I would come home from school every day and eat tons of chocolate to feel better in the short term, but in the long term, it made everything worse (my mood and my weight). I have largely eliminated sugar from my life, and it has improved my mental health immensely. I am very sensitive to sugar, probably more than most people, and I realized that when I eat sugar, my mood becomes unstable immediately. If you struggle with mental health, you should try to reduce sugar (and carbs in general). It may be beneficial, especially if other treatments have failed in the past.

31. Complaining won’t take you anywhere; it only makes you miserable.

I used to complain a lot. About my employer, society, different people, the weather, ….[endless list, so I’ll spare you the rest]. But here’s the truth: It doesn’t help. Complaining won’t change anything, but you will feel miserable because you focus on the negative aspects of your life. So: Take action and change what you can change. Don’t stress over what you can’t change. You may change your mindset, so it bothers you less.

32. You learn most by doing, not reading yet another book or taking yet another course.

Yes, knowledge is good. But the magic happens when you apply it. The good old saying “Learning by doing” is pretty accurate.

33. Don’t believe people who reduce health to a 100% individual phenomenon.

Individual health behavior is crucial and plays a major role in health, but other factors, such as the environment, other people, access to healthcare, genes, etc., are relevant, too. Someone who claims otherwise is a scammer.

34. Be yourself.

Don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations, and don’t expect others to live up to yours. Being yourself attracts the right people and opportunities.

35. A religious person isn’t always a good person.

And in a similar vein: A non-religious person isn’t automatically a bad person. Don’t use religion as a proxy to decide if someone is a good person or not. There are very bad people who are deeply religious, and there are very good people who are atheists. Base your evaluations on observable behavior, not religious belief.

36. Look after your body. It’s your greatest asset.

You only have 1 body and 1 life. Health should be your top priority because it’s the foundation for everything else.

37. Social connections are at least as important as exercise, sleep, & nutrition for optimal health.

I used to think a healthy life meant good nutrition, movement, avoiding harmful substances, and good sleep. While these are all fundamental, one important pillar is missing from this list: social connections. Research shows that loneliness is a growing epidemic that can be as detrimental to health as smoking.

38. Imposter syndrome and limiting beliefs are only in your head.

Surprisingly, imposter syndrome affects high achievers more than low achievers and is unrelated to your accomplishments. So: Force yourself to put your work out there. You won’t regret it, but you WILL regret not making the move.

39. Failures & rejection are your most valuable teachers.

Fail often. Learn from your failures and get better on each iteration. Use failure & rejection to move forward. And in case you experience rejection in the form of hard, destructive feedback: The person who gave you the feedback is probably miserable and has many problems. Don’t overinterpret it.

40. Learn to use technology & AI before it uses you.

Technology is advancing at lightspeed. Learn how to use it and stay on top of it, but don’t be enslaved by technology. I like Cal Newport’s idea of digital minimalism: Use technology for a purpose and as a valuable tool. Be selective about which technologies you admit to your life and which you don’t.

41. It’s never too late to start something new.

Whether it’s changing careers, starting a fitness journey, or learning a skill, age is just a number. Life is about growth, and you are capable of change at any stage. The only “too late” is never trying. I started my ghostwriting biz a few months ago and I feel more fulfilled than ever.

42. Embrace aging.

Each wrinkle and grey hair tells a story. I feel much happier and wiser now than in my 20s or early 30s. And if you take care of yourself, your biological age can be lower than your chronological age.

I hope you found this list useful. Which point(s) resonated the most with you? What would you add? Share it in the comments!