Dr. Patricia Schmidt

My experiences from raising two bilingual children, mixed with some science

As a psychologist, few things amaze me more than watching my children seamlessly change between languages, as if they were flipping a switch in their brains. Their capacity impresses not only me and my husband but also the (mostly monolingual) people in our surroundings. 

I have successfully raised two bilingual children who speak German (my native language) and Spanish (my husband’s native language) perfectly. Also, as a psychologist and neuroscientist, I know a thing or two about the topic from a scientific perspective.

But raising bilingual children isn’t just exposing them to different languages and hoping they will pick them up. And there is a lot of erroneous information out there, for example, that more than one language will overwhelm your children—a concern I sometimes hear about bilingualism. 

In this article, I aim to clarify many questions and concerns about bilingualism. I’ll bust a few myths, discuss scientific results on bilingualism, and, most importantly, provide hands-on tips for those who want to raise their children bilingual or have someone in their surroundings who does.

I will speak both scientifically and personally from my experience.

Let’s dive in.

My journey as a parent to bilingual children

First of all, a bit about me: I’m a psychologist and neuroscientist by training, so I have some background in language and language acquisition, even though it’s not one of the topics I actively work on. I am German and married to a Chilean, and thanks to our two native languages (German and Spanish), we were able to raise bilingual children. We have 2 children, one is now 16, and the other is 8. Both speak both languages perfectly. They were born in Germany, but we moved to Chile when they were 10 and 2.5, respectively.

While still living in Germany, we interacted with many couples raising their children bilingually due to their different native languages. Still, many were not as successful as we were. Most of our friends complained that the children only spoke German to them due to the German environment. We helped several of them improve their experiences with techniques that worked for us.

I am writing this article to help others who might have doubts about bilingualism or are already trying to raise bilingual children but have encountered problems. 

Defining bilingualism

There are many definitions of bilingualism. The term suggests that it refers to 2 languages, but in more flexible use scenarios, it can also refer to 3 or more languages. In some cases, it refers to a person’s native languages acquired from birth or starting within the first 2 years of life. In contrast, others define bilingualism as using different languages in everyday life, but one or more could also be acquired later.

In the present article, I will use the term bilingualism to refer to 2 languages acquired from birth due to the two primary caregivers having different native languages, which is the case for my children. Nevertheless, many of the aspects I will present apply to other instances of bilingualism, too.

Before discussing actionable tips, let’s bust some common myths that often discourage parents from raising bilingual children.

Busting common myths about bilingualism

While everybody sees the practical advantages of speaking several languages for getting jobs, traveling, etc., many myths and concerns about bilingualism sometimes make parents choose only one language for their children.

Let’s bust 3 of the most common myths:

Myth 1: “Learning more than one language will confuse children.”

Wrong. Bilingual children can distinguish very well between sounds from different languages already at an early age (see here for a study). 

I have also observed this in my children: They sometimes mix in a word from their other native language when they lack a specific term, but they are very well aware that the word comes from their other language. I have never seen them confused between German and Spanish.

Myth 2: “Learning more than one language will lead to language delays in children.”

Wrong. While every child has their rhythm and some take longer than others to achieve certain milestones in language development, it doesn’t make a difference if they acquire one or more languages, according to this study.

This corresponds with my observations, too. My children were (and still are) on par with their monolingual peers regarding language development. I would even say they were ahead of many children their age.

Moreover, evidence shows that many bilinguals have enhanced language capacities and other cognitive advantages compared to monolinguals.

Myth 3: “Learning more than one language is good, but you should start with only one and introduce other languages later.”

Wrong. There is no valid reason to put it off. There is a sensitive period early in life during which children can pick up a language more easily than at a later age. If they acquire it later, they may still achieve native or near-native proficiency, but they will most likely speak with an accent.

Best practices for raising bilingual children

As outlined before, my perspective is that of a parent to children whose two primary caregivers speak different native languages, and my recommendations are based on this perspective. Still, many of the principles also apply to other cases of bilingualism.

Based on a mix of scientific evidence and my own experience as a parent of bilingual children, these are 5 key points to consider:

1. Provide opportunities for both languages to develop.

Children should be able to recognize that not only one parent speaks a particular language because otherwise, they might refuse to speak it. 

When our children were very young, we lived in Germany with people speaking German everywhere, and my husband was the only Spanish-speaking person in their surroundings. So, we found a group of other parents with the German-Spanish combination and organized regular meetings. This was great because it showed our children that not only their father was a Spanish speaker. Additionally, video calls with my husband’s Chilean family, occasional family visits, and videos in Spanish helped foster the language and showed them that learning Spanish was worth it. Our children never refused to speak Spanish, but I did hear this from other families.

2. Insist on the use of a particular language.

Interestingly, this technique isn’t discussed much in sources about bilingualism, but it has had the most impact on us and other bilingual parents to whom we gave this advice. 

You need to insist that your child responds in a particular language. 

We saw this in our friends back in Germany: They told their child something in Spanish or asked them something in Spanish, and the child replied in German. Since the parent could understand the reply, they continued the conversation with their child or gave them what they had requested.

Lesson for the child: “I don’t need to speak Spanish; I get what I want anyway.” Many parents make that huge mistake.

What did we do differently? Each time our children responded in German, my husband told them (in Spanish): “Sorry, I didn’t understand you. Could you tell me that again?”—and then they would switch to Spanish. When we moved to Chile, our little daughter was 2.5 years old, so I did the same with her here, but the other way around to make her speak German. To foster collaboration with your child, do this in a friendly, conversational tone.

This is probably the lesser-known and most underrated hack for raising bilingual children, but in our experience, it makes a huge difference. It also did for the couples we recommended this procedure to.

3. One parent–one language.

First, a warning: there is no consensus about this in the literature. This is my recommendation for cases like mine, with the two primary caregivers each having only one native language.

In this case, I am convinced that the best approach is for each parent to stick to their native language when speaking directly to the children. This helps children differentiate between the two languages better. It also aids parent-child communication because we can best express ourselves in our native language.

Of course, you will have a family language (in our case, it’s Spanish because my husband and I met in a Spanish-speaking environment and got used to the language, and my Spanish is more fluent than his German), but be consistent with your language when you talk directly to your children. 

4. Only teach a language if you have native-level proficiency.

The aspect of parent-child communication from my previous point is crucial here: You can best express yourself in your native language, and if you speak to your child in a language you’re not sufficiently proficient in, this will affect and limit your communication with the child*. This is bad not only for language development but also for development in general.

In these cases, you better not teach your children this language, at least not at an early age. They can always learn more languages later.

5. Encourage language acquisition in general and be patient.

This should be a no-brainer and is not specific to bilingual families: You can support language acquisition in children in many ways. Frequent conversations, reading to the children, playing together, creating opportunities for peer contact, and avoiding too much screen time are general strategies that help in language acquisition, be it bilingual or monolingual.

Also, please accept that each child acquires language at their own pace. Don’t get frustrated; each child’s language journey is individual, and some acquire certain language milestones faster than others. 

Final considerations

If you are thinking of raising children bilingually, do it! As I hope to have outlined in this article, there are many upsides and no downsides to it.

To recap, my 5 recommendations are:

1. 1. Provide opportunities for both languages to develop.
   2. Insist on the use of a particular language.
   3. One parent–one language.
   4. Only teach a language if you have native-level proficiency.
   5. Encourage language acquisition in general and be patient.

As for book recommendations, you might find this book* useful. It provides a practical guide to bilingual parenting, grounded in scientific research and real-world experiences. The author has worked with bilingual families for decades, and the book is packed with a wealth of information and examples, as well as worksheets to develop a language plan with and for your family.

I hope you found the information in this article helpful. Are you raising bilingual children or considering it? Share your experiences in the comments!

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*Disclaimer: This is an affiliate link, which means that if you make a purchase through it, I might receive a small commission, at no extra expense to you.